Make Me Look Like a Drag Queen Please!

I love Drag Queens. In fact you may remember a previous post about one of my favorites, the stunning Calpernia.

Yes, the above woman is actually a MAN.

But as much as I enjoy the art of Drag, I did not want to look like a Drag Queen for my solo show. I wanted to look like myself, but myself who perhaps had gotten a bit more sleep than I actually did. So decided to go to Nordstroms to the MAC counter to get some false eyelashes applied. They always apply them anytime you do a TV or Movie Job (yet another way to make viewers feel bad about themselves… like, “WHY does EVERYONE have such HUGE amazing eyelashes!?” Ummmm, cuz they’re fake)

In fact if you read the fine print on mascara ads (like the one above Drew Barrymore does for Covergirl) it will say, “lashes enhanced with false lashes prior to application of mascara)

Anyway, I admit to wanting to look better than the real me and headed to get some false eyelashes applied. The number one thing I asked for was I wanted them to look NATURAL. Just a little boost.

So a very friendly MAC Makeup artist who looked like this:

picked out the most natural pair of lashes they had in stock and got me in a chair and began to apply.

He was a friendly easy to speak to man and I relaxed into the chair. Across from me an older Armenian woman was getting her makeup done by a woman who looked like this:

The Armenian woman kept telling the Debbie Harry looking MAC Makeup artist that she wanted “A lot of color” and the makeup artist kept saying, somewhat sarcastically, “I don’t know how much color YOU CAN HANDLE.”

Just another afternoon at the Grove…

Anyway, my 80’s rock makeup artist had successfully glued on my eyelashes and had said maybe a million times, “THESE ARE GOING TO STICK TO YOU SUPER STRONG, YOU WILL HAVE REMOVE THEM CAREFULLY OR YOU WILL TEAR YOUR EYE SKIN, I have realllly glued these on you.”  ok….

So then he says, “Would you like me to do some eyeshadow on you?

Yes. I said. “And I’d love you to do some very neutral shades. Like nude almost… “

And 10 minutes later I looked like this:

Seriously. Or no, maybe it was more like this:

OK so I am exaggerating but it was CRAZY HUGE BLACK and ORANGE eyeshadow. He said it complimented my “GREEN EYES” perfectly. (I have yellowish eyes)

He said for “The Stage” The eye really needs “to pop.” He said, “Your eyes express things your words can’t even begin to express. If you are on a stage you need to let your eyes speak for you. And with your GREEN eyes.. well, I’ve chosen the perfect colors to bring them out.”

Then I realized that the spokesperson for MAC cosmetics is… Lady Gaga. Who is a wonderful artist but not who I want to look like for my show where I asked to look, “Natural.” This is one of Lady Gaga’s eyeshadow “looks”:

Here’s one of Mac’s Campaigns with Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper

SO if you’ve read the previous two posts leading up to this you know that at this point I’d spent $40 for a “blowout” at the “blowdry bar” that had immediately WILTED in the humidity. I’d had lunch with Brody Jenner and now looked like a drag queen.

I drove myself to the theater. When my director saw me, all made up he said, “Oh! Oh my… well.. ok..” To which I immediately said, “Don’t worry!! I’m washing it off!”

So I wash off the eye make up but not the lashes of course. I then put on the sparkly blue dress for my dress rehersal that was lent to me by my director Tom. A dress he wore when he was dressed … in Drag. It had cost 10$ and was from Ross. And fit me perfectly. (We had an “I got it at Ross” moment. “Where did you get that? ” Tommy: “I got it at Ross!”)

So about mid way through my rehearsal the day of the show, my EYELASHES FALL OFF.


They had cost $18.

At one point during my show I looked down on the floor and there they were. Laying there.

I guess I hadn’t really needed them afterall. Or the hair blowout. The show was great and I felt good despite the fact that my eyes may not have “popped” the way the MAC guy said they needed to. I guess it’s a relief. Money wasted but lesson learned.


Another lesson I learned from the MAC makeup guy is that the new “IN” Haircolor is GRAY!

Kind of cool but perhaps I’ll wait to try that one out… I have enough of my own real grays as it is.

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  1. talesofarealhollywoodmom posted this